Recently, I've been watching Planet Earth and listening to Paul Chek's You are What you Eat program. His program reveals a widespread careless attitude toward pesticide use and its impact on human health. Essentially, the FDA doesn't care what you eat. Pesticides are tested by the same companies which make them and our shitty farming methods destroy the nutrients in the soil which destroys our vegetables, which we then feed to animals, which we then trap in houses and later slaughter and eat. His program runs the gamut and by the end I was ready to quit eating altogether. I would become a breatharian but even the air is too polluted to consume. So between that and the conservation issues facing us I was beginning to feel very overwhelmed.
As far as Jungian typology goes Intuition is likely my second function, and sometimes I get caught up in trying to solve everything all at once. So I was sitting at work trying to figure out a way to make money since I have spent over a thousand dollars of savings in the last 4 months, how to find a job that was something I believed in and was going to save the world, and how to save the world. Of course I quickly became demoralized. I sat thinking how poorly everything has become and how not only are we poisoning the world around us but also ourselves. I do not think it will be easy to change how things are heading, but I realized that being fatalistic about it accomplished nothing.
Awhile back I was in a dark place and in correspondence with my Aunt. She sent me a letter that her friend had given her. It's a short little letter about how your small impact on people ripples out and creates greater and greater change in the world. Even at the job I hate, I have had an impact upon people's beliefs, especially regarding nutrition. One worker, from New Jersey, after talking with me swore he would feed his kids all organic food. He also switched from coffee to green tea and started to take fish oil to supplement his omega-3 intake. He went on to rave about it to his friends and some of them started taking omega-3s as well.
I do have an impact, and as I develop my ability to write I can increase that impact exponentially. Although I have spent money and stayed in physically the same place I am developing skills and knowledge, which I can easily turn into money. A bank balance doesn't tell much of a story, but as my skills progress and situations reveal themselves to me I am confident that I will be able to capitalize. I have overspent, but I have also developed a great deal of self motivation, and self-discipline. I have finished 3 exercise programs and I am mid-way through a 4th. I am now writing and in the process of realizing my potential. After reading more from Steve Pavlina, his essay on The Courage to Live Consciously, I realize that I do not have to immediately abandon my job and become wholly congruent with the new identity I am sculpting. I can gradually develop in new ways and fully change when the opportunity presents itself. That job serves its purpose and is bearable so long as I do not believe it is holding me back. When my skills are developed and the time is right I will leave. The only thing holding myself back is me. I need to constantly challenge myself, I need to read more, write more, exercise more, and express myself honestly more. In the words of Bruce Lee, "To express oneself honestly... that is very hard to do."
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