Yesterday, in an attempt to get my shoes I discovered my current girlfriend *we had been fighting and supposedly she wanted to work it out, cheating. I couldn't sleep and decided to get my shoes early from her house. I was even bearing a gift for this heartless bitch. I got to her apartment complex around nine. I had a key for the main entrance and usually enter through her bedroom door. For some reason it was locked.
I knocked on the door and she answered it by opening it only very very slightly. First words out of her mouth were "What the hell are you doing here?" She completely blocked whatever view I had of her room. I think I looked confused for a moment and my heart started to pound. I leaned into the door slightly and peered toward her bed. Lying on her bed was the thirty something, short, overweight, car-less supposed friend that I had nothing to worry about. Fortunately he was asleep. I cannot imagine what my reaction would have been if he had woken up. My most optimistic impressions are of extreme violence. I said "so that's how it is? I guess I had nothing to be worried about all of this time." Even writing about it right now I am feeling my insides turn.
As I was storming off I remembered that I had come for my work shoes. I stomped my way back to her window and said "I need my fucking shoes." I don't know if I heard a reply but I rushed down to her car to see if it was open so I could quickly escape this nightmare. It was locked and I sat vibrating with rage on her back bumper. I couldn't wait any longer and went back upstairs knocking on her apartment door twice. Eventually she answered and we headed downstairs. I said "What did I ever do to you?" "Here's the card I was going to give you, obviously I am keeping the gift."
Her reaction was nothing more than an ashamed "It's just something stupid."
I wasn't able to directly respond to that. I felt so betrayed and angry that it seemed woefully insufficient. Her face was closed off like she was a million miles away and the last thing she said was "Can I have my key?"
Immediately I thought about pulling it from my key ring and throwing it across the parking lot. I fought back and removed it. I handed it to her as coldly as I could manage, said something like fuck you and slammed the door to that painful chapter of my life.
What is terrifying is that had I not gone early this girl would have most probably taken me back or strung me along. In the meantime she would have been fucking this pathetic excuse for a replacement whenever I wasn't around or if she was bored. I have no idea how long this has gone on for, it easily could have been months. It is without a doubt better that I know now. I will never again have any more of a relationship with her than I have to in order to get back my things from her. The rage brought out by this was so palpable and overpowering that I cannot accurately recall parts of the experience. It was the first time I have really felt a blind-rage.
Hopefully the last.
