Last Friday I went to my first Laker's game. They were playing Indiana, who oddly enough is one of the few teams that have defeated the Lakers this season. It was one of my gifts from my girlfriend for Christmas. The seats were "bad." We were nearly at the top of the Staples Center, but I could still easily see all of the action and really don't think it would be worth it to pay any more than we did. Seats 10 feet closer to the court were double the price of ours.
I had imagined that seeing these players play in person would be different from watching a game on tv. I also thought it would be harder to see what was going on. I was wrong on both accounts, visually, a game in person isn't very different from a televised version. I could clearly see all of the action and identify the players, at times though I would be watching a matchup and completely miss who shot and whether they scored or not.
It was a lot of fun and a great game. Without Lamar Odom or Luke Walton the Lakers have some defensive holes and were playing with a sense of complacency. Indiana did a great job of spreading the floor and finding the open man. It really was their 3 point shooting and ability to capitalize on the lackluster defense that allowed them to stay close in the game. Watching Kobe and Pau Gasol play ball in person is great. I caught a bunch of little things that I've missed whenever I catch a game on tv, Kobe asking for space or waving off a pick but also them congratulating each other after strong plays.
Derek Fisher really looked like he got away with a foul on the last shot of the game but to see a tied game in the fourth quarter with 24 seconds left and watch Kobe hit a game winner was awesome. Fisher had some key steals but the last couple minutes were all Kobe. The Pacers played him man to man for stretches, or tried to trap in the half court which gave up an easy basket in the last couple minutes as Kobe avoided the two defenders and easily scored. I definitely would like to see more games in person.
Over the weekend we went down to San Diego and an interesting question was brought up, toward the end of these NFL playoff games when the outcome is already decided how the hell do these guys keep playing passionately?
Its the end of their season and they are down too far to recover. It speaks highly of their professionalism. Many times when I am far down in anything I start to lose my drive and I think this show's a lack of discipline. The fact is, these players have never forfeited a game when they were down too much. Since elementary school sports they have never started a game and not finished it. This is something that I want to incorporate into my own life. It is very often that I start something and do not finish it. I am not blindly going to press on if my desire is truly gone, but I need to better evaluate those situations and discipline myself.
It is hot again in LA and my allergies are killing me so I am going to cut this one short. Adios.
Jan 12, 2009
Jan 7, 2009
Float Tank continued benfits
I don't believe it is a panacea, but so far the float tank experience has stuck with me. I have still gotten a little annoyed at times, but in general I feel much more clarity as well as relaxation. I have a general feeling of well-being throughout my body, which I suppose is normal but this is a more concentrated version.
I also feel more aware of where tension is in my body and of when I am tensing my face. I would like to be able to float once a month but I want to do so as continued practice in improving my awareness, not as escapism.
I think going into the tank simply to float and recharge is fine, but there is a thin line between that and sheltering yourself from reality. Financially I doubt there is a really any danger of over-doing it. I also think that without any direction or goal in mind it could quickly become indulgent.
I am curious to see how long I feel the after-effects. Anyways, I need to soon discuss the fact that I will be going back to school with the gallery people and also I need to find a volunteer position so I can get those hours out of the way in time to apply to Grad school.
I also feel more aware of where tension is in my body and of when I am tensing my face. I would like to be able to float once a month but I want to do so as continued practice in improving my awareness, not as escapism.
I think going into the tank simply to float and recharge is fine, but there is a thin line between that and sheltering yourself from reality. Financially I doubt there is a really any danger of over-doing it. I also think that without any direction or goal in mind it could quickly become indulgent.
I am curious to see how long I feel the after-effects. Anyways, I need to soon discuss the fact that I will be going back to school with the gallery people and also I need to find a volunteer position so I can get those hours out of the way in time to apply to Grad school.
Jan 6, 2009
This summer, a reporter was with Wayne in his home for four hours but never spoke to him.
Lil' Wayne goes through engineers fast. The last one quit because he stopped being able to tell what day it was, waking up at midnight and recording until noon wasn't natural for him. Whether he is driven from a mixture of cough syrup and weed or just his inner-nature, Wayne appears to be built for this. He's busy, and raps non-stop. He doesn't right down lyrics, he flows to a beat and rewinds and re-records until he has a track together.
He quickly oscillates between generosity and hostility, maybe its the drugs and fame or perhaps it is just who he is. In between recording sessions, he watches Sportscenter and fuels himself on blunts and syrup. All of this I know from the most recent GQ article about him. Many people write this off as more uninformed media creating an icon, but anyone who listens to rap can't deny Lil' Wayne's talent. Aside from his endless stamina and drug use, there is another clue to his success - he visualizes everything before he makes a song. He visualizes the video, the crowd, and even him performing it before writing a word.
Just one music video will make it clear that Lil' Wayne isn't quite the average rapper. Earlier in his career, aside from his diminutive size and monster flow he looked like a typical rapper - but lately he looks half thug half indie kid. Even that isn't quite fair, what he really looks like is Lil' Wayne. He has successfully carved out a very clear image for himself.
The key passage of this article, the one that inspired me and got me thinking was this: "The substances will never run out, they will always be at his elbow in their proper places, in their proper measures, and he will never have to glide back down to earth. Time can be stopped. A million songs can be made. The night can be made to last forever. Wayne measures out the Voss-and-syrup mixture himself and then caps the bottle again, now filled with the pale pink liquid."
What that quote taps into is a drive against mortality, and a search for any way possible to stay as creative and productive as possible for as long as you can. The way that Lil' Wayne uses drugs to fuel his art is nothing revolutionary, the history of music is littered with the overdosed bodies of rockstars who couldn't create without a substance, but for some reason what Wayne is doing doesn't seem as idiotic or fatalistic. Maybe my opinion will change if he overdoses, but right now his work ethic and desire to be the best rapper alive allow me to view his drug abuse in a way I rarely see drugs. I see him using cough syrup and weed in order to create something lasting. People always say stardom makes you numb and the only way these people can feel anything is to be high. That's bullshit, the majority of these dead addicts weren't using to feel something they were using to feel nothing.
Wayne isn't just using these substances in a nihilistic way. He is using them to keep himself in a foggy state, where he is most creative. He wavers, goes in and out of it, but prolongs his moments of insight by slowing his mind down and rapping non-stop. This can't be great for his body, and if he could train himself to be able to relax into it instead of forcing his mind there I imagine it would be better, but every artist is lured into wondering whether insight can be provided medicinally.
Art by nature grows by experimentation, and people are no different. Musicians, writers, and painters alike constantly experiment and it is no surprise that Oscar Wilde drank absinthe, or that William Faulkner drank whiskey. It could have been a different ritual but the results would have been different. Faulkner has to drink alcohol to write the way he does, Wayne can't rap his slow, confident and clever flow without a push from Robitussin. Maybe he could clean up but he might lose his skill and end up like Metallica making sub-par music for the rest of his career.
The drive to perform at the highest level in his chosen craft is why he's drinking and smoking all night long. Is it escapism? Sure. Is he hurting himself? Sure. Is it the culture he's in? Definitely. Its tremendously easy to mourn the death of someone like Jimi Hendrix and wonder what he could have created had he lived, had he cleaned up - but what if he couldn't have seen music the way he did without drugs?
Due to my background there is no need to be worried about me wasting any of my life using drugs. I am writing this to express how important substances have been in the history of music, art, and literature. There are better ways to create the perfect creative state, but once you have stumbled on something that is working brilliantly I understand how difficult it can be to give it up. Would you be able to suddenly change your process if millions were at stake? What if your best album was at stake? Or what if you just couldn't handle it anymore and needed those drugs to get by and be able to keep making music?
Fuck.. supposedly Wayne quit Syrup. Got some editing to do..
He quickly oscillates between generosity and hostility, maybe its the drugs and fame or perhaps it is just who he is. In between recording sessions, he watches Sportscenter and fuels himself on blunts and syrup. All of this I know from the most recent GQ article about him. Many people write this off as more uninformed media creating an icon, but anyone who listens to rap can't deny Lil' Wayne's talent. Aside from his endless stamina and drug use, there is another clue to his success - he visualizes everything before he makes a song. He visualizes the video, the crowd, and even him performing it before writing a word.
Just one music video will make it clear that Lil' Wayne isn't quite the average rapper. Earlier in his career, aside from his diminutive size and monster flow he looked like a typical rapper - but lately he looks half thug half indie kid. Even that isn't quite fair, what he really looks like is Lil' Wayne. He has successfully carved out a very clear image for himself.
The key passage of this article, the one that inspired me and got me thinking was this: "The substances will never run out, they will always be at his elbow in their proper places, in their proper measures, and he will never have to glide back down to earth. Time can be stopped. A million songs can be made. The night can be made to last forever. Wayne measures out the Voss-and-syrup mixture himself and then caps the bottle again, now filled with the pale pink liquid."
What that quote taps into is a drive against mortality, and a search for any way possible to stay as creative and productive as possible for as long as you can. The way that Lil' Wayne uses drugs to fuel his art is nothing revolutionary, the history of music is littered with the overdosed bodies of rockstars who couldn't create without a substance, but for some reason what Wayne is doing doesn't seem as idiotic or fatalistic. Maybe my opinion will change if he overdoses, but right now his work ethic and desire to be the best rapper alive allow me to view his drug abuse in a way I rarely see drugs. I see him using cough syrup and weed in order to create something lasting. People always say stardom makes you numb and the only way these people can feel anything is to be high. That's bullshit, the majority of these dead addicts weren't using to feel something they were using to feel nothing.
Wayne isn't just using these substances in a nihilistic way. He is using them to keep himself in a foggy state, where he is most creative. He wavers, goes in and out of it, but prolongs his moments of insight by slowing his mind down and rapping non-stop. This can't be great for his body, and if he could train himself to be able to relax into it instead of forcing his mind there I imagine it would be better, but every artist is lured into wondering whether insight can be provided medicinally.
Art by nature grows by experimentation, and people are no different. Musicians, writers, and painters alike constantly experiment and it is no surprise that Oscar Wilde drank absinthe, or that William Faulkner drank whiskey. It could have been a different ritual but the results would have been different. Faulkner has to drink alcohol to write the way he does, Wayne can't rap his slow, confident and clever flow without a push from Robitussin. Maybe he could clean up but he might lose his skill and end up like Metallica making sub-par music for the rest of his career.
The drive to perform at the highest level in his chosen craft is why he's drinking and smoking all night long. Is it escapism? Sure. Is he hurting himself? Sure. Is it the culture he's in? Definitely. Its tremendously easy to mourn the death of someone like Jimi Hendrix and wonder what he could have created had he lived, had he cleaned up - but what if he couldn't have seen music the way he did without drugs?
Due to my background there is no need to be worried about me wasting any of my life using drugs. I am writing this to express how important substances have been in the history of music, art, and literature. There are better ways to create the perfect creative state, but once you have stumbled on something that is working brilliantly I understand how difficult it can be to give it up. Would you be able to suddenly change your process if millions were at stake? What if your best album was at stake? Or what if you just couldn't handle it anymore and needed those drugs to get by and be able to keep making music?
Fuck.. supposedly Wayne quit Syrup. Got some editing to do..
Jan 5, 2009
Floatation Chamber - or Sensory Dep experience
I was surprised how easy it was to arrange to use a float tank. I simply called up and asked how I could use one, and the guy on the phone said he could have it ready in 30 minutes. I drove ten minutes to Venice, found a parking spot by the beach and walked down. The office itself was located about 30 feet from the beach behind a small divider in a building that houses several other offices.
I never caught the name of the guy running everything, but he looked like a cast member from A Scanner Darkly. He had crocs on and goggles even though it was not particularly bright. He explained to me that I would need to take my contacts out and shower before and after, as well as that I should keep my face very dry before going into the tank. Other than that I could use it as long as I wanted and only had to let him know when I was done. He recommended that I stay in for as long as I could.
They provide earplugs which cuts down on hearing your own heartbeat and breathing. My allergies were acting up so I was swallowing pretty regularly but it didn't seem to interfere too much with me reaching a pretty deep meditative, dream-like state. First I showered and then stepped into the pool. I had some concerns that I would panic about being in an enclosed space, but as soon as I closed the somewhat heavy door those fears subsided. I floated very easily and only had to focus on relaxing my neck.
Earlier in the day I did yoga, and then had a light lunch so as not to interfere with the whole tank experience. Sometimes when I meditate regularly I become restless and fidgety. This did not happen in the tank until very late on when I had a very urgent need to take a piss. After the liquid in the tank stopped moving me around I settled in and began to mull some questions that had been on my mind over. Answers came easily but I wouldn't say that the tank is the best place for very focused thinking. I focused on my outbreath for some time and before I knew it I was in theta which is the deepest brain wave state you can reach. It was very lucid dreaming, I was imagining things and seeing them in my mind's eye - there wasn't any very strong visual component just some bizarre things I imagined. I would think about one subject and it would gradually morph into something else and I felt little control over what I was thinking of.
Periodically my hand would brush up against the edge of the tank and I would be perplexed as to what the sensation was. Before reaching this deep theta state I experienced a series of myoclonic jerks, which are those large muscle spasms you may sometimes have right as you are about to fall asleep. Supposedly they are caused by your brain panicking at a drop in bloodpressure and heart rate. I noticed very small muscles twitching in ways that I had never felt before. I felt somewhat removed from myself but in a relaxed sort of way.
During the deeper state I did my best to make use of it in productive ways, I thought of what I had in common with people I hated or thought were completely different from me - and quickly dispelled any misconceptions I had about things. I also cut through some of my own bullshit and looked at ways that I still would like to grow. After all of this I became curious about how much time had passed and how full my bladder was. I reached up to find the handle and was surprised by how weak my body felt. I touched the warm, damp handle and pushed open the door which felt much heavier than before. I sort of struggled to my feet and got out feeling very much like Keanu Reeves in The Matrix when he is cut loose.
I was freezing and also shocked by how bright everything was around me. I jumped in the shower in hopes of warming up but even the water in there felt freezing. I had acclimated to feeling only my own body temperature and missed my mechanical womb. As I washed off, I felt how thick and sharp my stubble was and how coarse my arm hair felt. Every touch felt rich and vivid after that short period of deprivation. After the shower when I put my clothes on I felt odd feeling something touching my skin and noticed small details about my shoes. It was somewhat disorienting but also a very pleasant and calm feeling.
It felt a little bit like a good high, one where there isn't any panic or paranoia - but with a great deal more clarity. I understood what was going on around me mentally, my senses were just warming up - it was like a very exaggerated version of waking up at the wrong time from a nap and taking forever to acclimate. From there I went upstairs and let Scanner Darkly man know I was done. He told me every time it goes a little deeper and that I should come back. I said that I would like to, and felt like the music he was playing would stay in my head forever.
I walked out onto the venice boardwalk just as the sun was setting on the horizon of the ocean and bumbled my way to my car. I really recommend sensory deprivation and I hope to do it again soon - it also has given me a better idea of how far I would like to go with meditation and what can be achieved.
Anyways, goodluck!
I never caught the name of the guy running everything, but he looked like a cast member from A Scanner Darkly. He had crocs on and goggles even though it was not particularly bright. He explained to me that I would need to take my contacts out and shower before and after, as well as that I should keep my face very dry before going into the tank. Other than that I could use it as long as I wanted and only had to let him know when I was done. He recommended that I stay in for as long as I could.
They provide earplugs which cuts down on hearing your own heartbeat and breathing. My allergies were acting up so I was swallowing pretty regularly but it didn't seem to interfere too much with me reaching a pretty deep meditative, dream-like state. First I showered and then stepped into the pool. I had some concerns that I would panic about being in an enclosed space, but as soon as I closed the somewhat heavy door those fears subsided. I floated very easily and only had to focus on relaxing my neck.
Earlier in the day I did yoga, and then had a light lunch so as not to interfere with the whole tank experience. Sometimes when I meditate regularly I become restless and fidgety. This did not happen in the tank until very late on when I had a very urgent need to take a piss. After the liquid in the tank stopped moving me around I settled in and began to mull some questions that had been on my mind over. Answers came easily but I wouldn't say that the tank is the best place for very focused thinking. I focused on my outbreath for some time and before I knew it I was in theta which is the deepest brain wave state you can reach. It was very lucid dreaming, I was imagining things and seeing them in my mind's eye - there wasn't any very strong visual component just some bizarre things I imagined. I would think about one subject and it would gradually morph into something else and I felt little control over what I was thinking of.
Periodically my hand would brush up against the edge of the tank and I would be perplexed as to what the sensation was. Before reaching this deep theta state I experienced a series of myoclonic jerks, which are those large muscle spasms you may sometimes have right as you are about to fall asleep. Supposedly they are caused by your brain panicking at a drop in bloodpressure and heart rate. I noticed very small muscles twitching in ways that I had never felt before. I felt somewhat removed from myself but in a relaxed sort of way.
During the deeper state I did my best to make use of it in productive ways, I thought of what I had in common with people I hated or thought were completely different from me - and quickly dispelled any misconceptions I had about things. I also cut through some of my own bullshit and looked at ways that I still would like to grow. After all of this I became curious about how much time had passed and how full my bladder was. I reached up to find the handle and was surprised by how weak my body felt. I touched the warm, damp handle and pushed open the door which felt much heavier than before. I sort of struggled to my feet and got out feeling very much like Keanu Reeves in The Matrix when he is cut loose.
I was freezing and also shocked by how bright everything was around me. I jumped in the shower in hopes of warming up but even the water in there felt freezing. I had acclimated to feeling only my own body temperature and missed my mechanical womb. As I washed off, I felt how thick and sharp my stubble was and how coarse my arm hair felt. Every touch felt rich and vivid after that short period of deprivation. After the shower when I put my clothes on I felt odd feeling something touching my skin and noticed small details about my shoes. It was somewhat disorienting but also a very pleasant and calm feeling.
It felt a little bit like a good high, one where there isn't any panic or paranoia - but with a great deal more clarity. I understood what was going on around me mentally, my senses were just warming up - it was like a very exaggerated version of waking up at the wrong time from a nap and taking forever to acclimate. From there I went upstairs and let Scanner Darkly man know I was done. He told me every time it goes a little deeper and that I should come back. I said that I would like to, and felt like the music he was playing would stay in my head forever.
I walked out onto the venice boardwalk just as the sun was setting on the horizon of the ocean and bumbled my way to my car. I really recommend sensory deprivation and I hope to do it again soon - it also has given me a better idea of how far I would like to go with meditation and what can be achieved.
Anyways, goodluck!
Jan 1, 2009
A New Year
I'm sure there are a million people writing down their resolutions out there, but I'm no better so here goes:
Continue to meditate in the morning for 15 minutes
Continue to write regularly
Do great in school - 3.8-4.0
Continue Yoga and exercise and improve my nutrition and physical shape
See an orchestra perform in the bowl
Read a novel by Tolstoy and Dostoevsky
These goals were mentioned much early than the new year, but I am reiterating them for myself.
Anyways hope everyone got off to a great start this year. Good luck.
Continue to meditate in the morning for 15 minutes
Continue to write regularly
Do great in school - 3.8-4.0
Continue Yoga and exercise and improve my nutrition and physical shape
See an orchestra perform in the bowl
Read a novel by Tolstoy and Dostoevsky
These goals were mentioned much early than the new year, but I am reiterating them for myself.
Anyways hope everyone got off to a great start this year. Good luck.
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