Getting here was easy, staying here and building a life is going to be the hard part. I believe it will be worth it and that I will grow immensely in the process. I have thrived in worse situations, I am strong - and this is the first difficult situation I have chose for myself and that is a very welcome change. I think too often in my life I have avoided difficult situations, avoided pushing myself, and that I have missed out on a lot of my potential because of that impulse.
I'm not sure where its origins are but it probably has to do with having a hard childhood and feeling powerless during many parts of it. I am doing my best to push myself, and put it on the line to make something out here. The plan was that when I got here one of my uncle's would supply me with gainful employment. Supposedly, I had several safety nets, if Uncle Peter couldn't get me a job, then Rik surely could, and if it really came down to it I could work with my Uncle Roger. As it turns out, none of those are possibilities. Layoffs, business difficulties, and my lack of a specialization all have made me getting a "real job" difficult. This is surprisingly a good turn of events. I had and have no desire to work in any of those businesses. None of them move or motivate me, working for some assholes at a hotel or assholes at a studio, no thanks I will pass.
My resume has been sent a ton of places, but so far only one has called back other than a couple internships - Blue Clay fitness or something. I have an interview soon, to be a trainer. Who knows what will happen, I'm sure I will interview well, my only concern is that my slight build will be an issue. I am interested in personal training but I don't know if it speaks to me in the same way writing or art does.
A couple weeks ago I went to Bergamot Station and handed resumes out. I was offered and accepted an internship at a prestigious gallery there. My bosses are very friendly, and concerned about teaching me what I want to learn and helping my along my path. I am excited about it and it makes me happy to go work there. It is a wholly different world than the one I know, my boss lives in a ten million dollar house, they drive matching 2008 Cadillacs, have 400 dollar sunglasses, and sell artwork for over a 100,000 dollars at times.
Money is running low, I have 500 or so dollars left and it won't last longer than say a month or more. Now I am applying to part time jobs and hoping something will come through. I have been in tougher situations before and I have turned them around. The thing is, as much as I loved everyone in my life in New Paltz and loved the town, I needed a change and a space to grow into. I was stagnant and could have lived on okay in New Paltz for a long time, many people do, but I would not have grown into the person I am meant to be.
My days are simple outside of looking for jobs or spending my weekends with Emilie, I wake up and go climb. I'm working on a really long traverse around a 40 foot tall boulder. It starts off pretty easy, but gets facey about half-way through and there is only a really sketchy undercling to use. From there you have two very far apart feet and a strong hold far out left, leaving you very spread eagled. I can't manage to stand up on the further foothold. Its about 20 feet into the traverse and when I finally manage to stand up I will have to climb up 15 feet and continue the traverse on shallow feet and awkward handholds. I try to be sociable when I'm there, and have met some very cool old california guys, and friendly young people. Sometimes I keep to myself, it depends on my mood. Other than that, I play chess, read, and sometimes write.
I sleep in a bed shack under a palm tree, it's actually a very nice room and super comfortable. There's a ton of cats here and I love all of them. There's also a blind dog, and a goat. The goat is stubborn and often rams the kitchen door when it wants food or something else. It took some getting used to but now I don't think twice about it, Emilie won't really come over - the goat freaks her out, but it isn't much different from a dog with horns. It is definitely a bit more difficult to pet and sometimes shakes its horns at me when I pet it.
My goals right now are to get a part time job, use that money to save + get a climbing gym membership while working hard at my internship and hoping I can parlay that into a full time job opportunity at a large gallery. From there I want my own place.
I have started reading Beautiful Boy, a memoir written by a father who's son was a meth addict. I'm curious what sort of emotions it will evoke in me. Other than being more sociable, and financial goals, I am focusing on being present and feeling good. More later..
Mar 27, 2008
Mar 20, 2008
Carifornia
So I've been away from my home over 2 months now. I stayed with Devon for awhile before I left and then drove cross country to California. Driving cross country was very cool, our first stop was Asheville, North Carolina. We drove all day the first day, switching on and off between Lacy, Kubi, Kaitlin and myself. We got bad pizza in a small town in Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania wasn't too memorable, it smelled like manure and that is all I can recall. Our next stop was at this diner in Virginia. It was a pretty crazy diner, half of it was obsessed with Elvis, the other half was all about I Love Lucy. Every burger had mayonnaise on it. The lady had a huge drawl and the general vibe was much slower. I unfortunately don't have any pictures, from there we drove on and we finally got to Asheville around one. I drove up and down rolling windy hills in the dark as everyone slept and thought about how happy I was to be moving on. New Paltz will always have a special place in my heart, and I may someday return to that coast, but I needed to generate inertia, I had been working the same job for years and didn't have anywhere I was heading.
We stayed at the Days Inn and snuck in. There was a pretty close call, Lacy and Kaitlin paid for the room but they gave us the wrong keys, so as they were sneaking up the stairs Kubi had gone down to get the attendant. I told the girls he was coming up so they ran down the stairs just as Kubi and the attendant came around the corner. It felt really good to get out of the car and relax for a bit. We all fell asleep fast and woke up in the morning to check out the city. It was warm, about 55 in January and the land surrounding the small city is beautiful, composed of rolling blue hills and young trees.
The city has a similar vibe to New Paltz or Woodstock but on a larger scale. I forget the name of the place we had breakfast at but it was the best food we ate all trip. Bistro breakfast food with a southern flare, all organic stuff, exceptional prices. Our next stop was Nashville, Tennessee to see the replica of the Parthenon. It was pretty bizarre to see this huge piece of greek history in the middle of downtown Nashville, right by the university. I was really taken with it, it is one thing to hear about entasis and so on, seeing it in person is a whole other experience.
Being in a Honda Civic with 3 people you know well, and one person who is familiar was challenging. It definitely helped me develop my patience and flexibility. I'm sure that could be debated by those who came with me, but I am not always the most patient person and I definitely did my best not to cause any overt conflict. By the end of the trip there was a hostile undertone but 2 weeks is quite a long time to be cooped up with people.
I'm not going to go through every single place we stopped, our next interesting stop was the Grand Canyon. I would really love to hike down it and stay in the ranch they have there. Recently, I saw Joe Rogan doing standup and he went into this whole riff on how people think the Grand Canyon is huge, but don't even pay any attention to the stars above us. I wasn't especially struck by the size. It was just gorgeous. We got there around sunset and stayed at a hotel on the South rim. The Northern rim is closed during the winter. Contrary to my expectations there was snow all around, and it only was melting deeper in the canyon where temperatures remain warmer. They really gouge you at the grand canyon price wise but fuck it. I loved looking at the rocks and thinking of climbing out of it. It got me really excited. We did a 3 mile hike down into it, and 3 miles back out. Walking at that angle is pretty tiresome. You aren't allowed to hike down and back up in the same day since people often die or pass out from exhaustion. It was so quiet as we got down lower, really peaceful and wonderful. Each step took me further down and further away from everything else. At first we were nervous and careful about where we walked, and most of the walk down I was watching my feet not the views.
Seeing pictures of the canyon never really did anything for me, I had heard a million times how great it was, but I hadn't even planned on seeing it - We had originally planned on hitting Moab instead but the weather forced us to Arizona and it was a fortunate turn of events. The experience was really soothing and wonderful. From there we drove south to Phoenix to visit Kubi's family. The sunsets in Arizona are gorgeous, mindblowing insanely, super carcrash gorgeous.
His family put us up for the night and stuffed us full of awesome food in the morning. They were really friendly, fun and real people. Kubi and I hiked with his uncle up a small park near them and caught a glimpse of Camelback mountain. Arizona was great because I didn't have any allergies, for the first time in a long time.
Behind us to the right is the camel:
From there we drove through Sedona which has these sick mountains and Jeeps you can rent to offroad in. It looks like a ton of fun, and I'm really grateful that Lacy had us go. Then we hit vegas..
Vegas was not something I was excited about. It wasn't my thing, although there were a couple of interesting things. One of the Casinos had lionesses in a glass booth you could walk under. They looked drugged, or just miserable since they had no where to go and the trainers just sat in there with them. I think it was the MGM grand. The cigarette smoke was killing me. The aquarium at Mandalay Bay was pretty cool and a nice break from VEGAS INSTANT EVERYTHING AHH LAND. The first night vegas made me nuts and I went into some crazy pimp character and bugged kubi, after that we wandered around vegas and I watched Kubi play slots and such. My stomach was fucked up by the time we got there from eating weird food and stress. I took Tums for the first time in my life and it helped. The Treasure Island show was cool, kind of a sexy weak story pirates of the caribbean. The fountains at the bellagio and it's insane blown glass ceiling were impressive but after that it was looking at super expensive stuff and being sold whores by mexicans on the street.
The last really impressive place we went was Big Sur, and Carmel. The drive was awesome, right up the coast winding through cliffs and smelling the sea is a perfect way to travel. As we drove there I noticed green algae growing from the tree branches and it turns out it is a combination of algae and fungus which grows only in places with especially clean air. The algae lives in symbiosis with the trees, and is a pale green color. We stopped before reaching our campsite and watched the sunset on the beach.
Big Sur was very remote, and the whole town is the post office and a couple buildings. We got delicious sandwiches and firewood and set off for our campsite. It was a bit cold at night, and building a fire as a group really brought us together. It felt good. We went to sleep after the fire went out and it was FREEZING in the morning. Kubi woke up and said fuck it, and went to sleep in the car. It was really pretty to wake up in the red woods and then set off from there.
As we drove on we saw a nature preserve at Carmel and stopped. It was gorgeous and a ton of fun to run around on the rocks. We got to see a bunch of sea lions sunning themselves and got very close to them. After that we headed up to San Francisco and ran around and had some sourdough bread, apparently there's a kind of yeast that only survives there, it was good and seeing the bridge was cool. I didn't get to walk on it since we weren't there during the day. That was a downer since after seeing The Bridge it has been something I wanted to do, but I chilled out with Kubi and had awesome ice cream twice in one night.
After that everyone flew back and I came to my aunt's house where I am now living. More later.
We stayed at the Days Inn and snuck in. There was a pretty close call, Lacy and Kaitlin paid for the room but they gave us the wrong keys, so as they were sneaking up the stairs Kubi had gone down to get the attendant. I told the girls he was coming up so they ran down the stairs just as Kubi and the attendant came around the corner. It felt really good to get out of the car and relax for a bit. We all fell asleep fast and woke up in the morning to check out the city. It was warm, about 55 in January and the land surrounding the small city is beautiful, composed of rolling blue hills and young trees.
The city has a similar vibe to New Paltz or Woodstock but on a larger scale. I forget the name of the place we had breakfast at but it was the best food we ate all trip. Bistro breakfast food with a southern flare, all organic stuff, exceptional prices. Our next stop was Nashville, Tennessee to see the replica of the Parthenon. It was pretty bizarre to see this huge piece of greek history in the middle of downtown Nashville, right by the university. I was really taken with it, it is one thing to hear about entasis and so on, seeing it in person is a whole other experience.
Being in a Honda Civic with 3 people you know well, and one person who is familiar was challenging. It definitely helped me develop my patience and flexibility. I'm sure that could be debated by those who came with me, but I am not always the most patient person and I definitely did my best not to cause any overt conflict. By the end of the trip there was a hostile undertone but 2 weeks is quite a long time to be cooped up with people.
I'm not going to go through every single place we stopped, our next interesting stop was the Grand Canyon. I would really love to hike down it and stay in the ranch they have there. Recently, I saw Joe Rogan doing standup and he went into this whole riff on how people think the Grand Canyon is huge, but don't even pay any attention to the stars above us. I wasn't especially struck by the size. It was just gorgeous. We got there around sunset and stayed at a hotel on the South rim. The Northern rim is closed during the winter. Contrary to my expectations there was snow all around, and it only was melting deeper in the canyon where temperatures remain warmer. They really gouge you at the grand canyon price wise but fuck it. I loved looking at the rocks and thinking of climbing out of it. It got me really excited. We did a 3 mile hike down into it, and 3 miles back out. Walking at that angle is pretty tiresome. You aren't allowed to hike down and back up in the same day since people often die or pass out from exhaustion. It was so quiet as we got down lower, really peaceful and wonderful. Each step took me further down and further away from everything else. At first we were nervous and careful about where we walked, and most of the walk down I was watching my feet not the views.
Seeing pictures of the canyon never really did anything for me, I had heard a million times how great it was, but I hadn't even planned on seeing it - We had originally planned on hitting Moab instead but the weather forced us to Arizona and it was a fortunate turn of events. The experience was really soothing and wonderful. From there we drove south to Phoenix to visit Kubi's family. The sunsets in Arizona are gorgeous, mindblowing insanely, super carcrash gorgeous.
His family put us up for the night and stuffed us full of awesome food in the morning. They were really friendly, fun and real people. Kubi and I hiked with his uncle up a small park near them and caught a glimpse of Camelback mountain. Arizona was great because I didn't have any allergies, for the first time in a long time.
Behind us to the right is the camel:
From there we drove through Sedona which has these sick mountains and Jeeps you can rent to offroad in. It looks like a ton of fun, and I'm really grateful that Lacy had us go. Then we hit vegas..
Vegas was not something I was excited about. It wasn't my thing, although there were a couple of interesting things. One of the Casinos had lionesses in a glass booth you could walk under. They looked drugged, or just miserable since they had no where to go and the trainers just sat in there with them. I think it was the MGM grand. The cigarette smoke was killing me. The aquarium at Mandalay Bay was pretty cool and a nice break from VEGAS INSTANT EVERYTHING AHH LAND. The first night vegas made me nuts and I went into some crazy pimp character and bugged kubi, after that we wandered around vegas and I watched Kubi play slots and such. My stomach was fucked up by the time we got there from eating weird food and stress. I took Tums for the first time in my life and it helped. The Treasure Island show was cool, kind of a sexy weak story pirates of the caribbean. The fountains at the bellagio and it's insane blown glass ceiling were impressive but after that it was looking at super expensive stuff and being sold whores by mexicans on the street.
The last really impressive place we went was Big Sur, and Carmel. The drive was awesome, right up the coast winding through cliffs and smelling the sea is a perfect way to travel. As we drove there I noticed green algae growing from the tree branches and it turns out it is a combination of algae and fungus which grows only in places with especially clean air. The algae lives in symbiosis with the trees, and is a pale green color. We stopped before reaching our campsite and watched the sunset on the beach.
Big Sur was very remote, and the whole town is the post office and a couple buildings. We got delicious sandwiches and firewood and set off for our campsite. It was a bit cold at night, and building a fire as a group really brought us together. It felt good. We went to sleep after the fire went out and it was FREEZING in the morning. Kubi woke up and said fuck it, and went to sleep in the car. It was really pretty to wake up in the red woods and then set off from there.
As we drove on we saw a nature preserve at Carmel and stopped. It was gorgeous and a ton of fun to run around on the rocks. We got to see a bunch of sea lions sunning themselves and got very close to them. After that we headed up to San Francisco and ran around and had some sourdough bread, apparently there's a kind of yeast that only survives there, it was good and seeing the bridge was cool. I didn't get to walk on it since we weren't there during the day. That was a downer since after seeing The Bridge it has been something I wanted to do, but I chilled out with Kubi and had awesome ice cream twice in one night.
After that everyone flew back and I came to my aunt's house where I am now living. More later.
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