Start of life in a new location

Getting here was easy, staying here and building a life is going to be the hard part. I believe it will be worth it and that I will grow immensely in the process. I have thrived in worse situations, I am strong - and this is the first difficult situation I have chose for myself and that is a very welcome change. I think too often in my life I have avoided difficult situations, avoided pushing myself, and that I have missed out on a lot of my potential because of that impulse.

I'm not sure where its origins are but it probably has to do with having a hard childhood and feeling powerless during many parts of it. I am doing my best to push myself, and put it on the line to make something out here. The plan was that when I got here one of my uncle's would supply me with gainful employment. Supposedly, I had several safety nets, if Uncle Peter couldn't get me a job, then Rik surely could, and if it really came down to it I could work with my Uncle Roger. As it turns out, none of those are possibilities. Layoffs, business difficulties, and my lack of a specialization all have made me getting a "real job" difficult. This is surprisingly a good turn of events. I had and have no desire to work in any of those businesses. None of them move or motivate me, working for some assholes at a hotel or assholes at a studio, no thanks I will pass.

My resume has been sent a ton of places, but so far only one has called back other than a couple internships - Blue Clay fitness or something. I have an interview soon, to be a trainer. Who knows what will happen, I'm sure I will interview well, my only concern is that my slight build will be an issue. I am interested in personal training but I don't know if it speaks to me in the same way writing or art does.

A couple weeks ago I went to Bergamot Station and handed resumes out. I was offered and accepted an internship at a prestigious gallery there. My bosses are very friendly, and concerned about teaching me what I want to learn and helping my along my path. I am excited about it and it makes me happy to go work there. It is a wholly different world than the one I know, my boss lives in a ten million dollar house, they drive matching 2008 Cadillacs, have 400 dollar sunglasses, and sell artwork for over a 100,000 dollars at times.

Money is running low, I have 500 or so dollars left and it won't last longer than say a month or more. Now I am applying to part time jobs and hoping something will come through. I have been in tougher situations before and I have turned them around. The thing is, as much as I loved everyone in my life in New Paltz and loved the town, I needed a change and a space to grow into. I was stagnant and could have lived on okay in New Paltz for a long time, many people do, but I would not have grown into the person I am meant to be.

My days are simple outside of looking for jobs or spending my weekends with Emilie, I wake up and go climb. I'm working on a really long traverse around a 40 foot tall boulder. It starts off pretty easy, but gets facey about half-way through and there is only a really sketchy undercling to use. From there you have two very far apart feet and a strong hold far out left, leaving you very spread eagled. I can't manage to stand up on the further foothold. Its about 20 feet into the traverse and when I finally manage to stand up I will have to climb up 15 feet and continue the traverse on shallow feet and awkward handholds. I try to be sociable when I'm there, and have met some very cool old california guys, and friendly young people. Sometimes I keep to myself, it depends on my mood. Other than that, I play chess, read, and sometimes write.

I sleep in a bed shack under a palm tree, it's actually a very nice room and super comfortable. There's a ton of cats here and I love all of them. There's also a blind dog, and a goat. The goat is stubborn and often rams the kitchen door when it wants food or something else. It took some getting used to but now I don't think twice about it, Emilie won't really come over - the goat freaks her out, but it isn't much different from a dog with horns. It is definitely a bit more difficult to pet and sometimes shakes its horns at me when I pet it.

My goals right now are to get a part time job, use that money to save + get a climbing gym membership while working hard at my internship and hoping I can parlay that into a full time job opportunity at a large gallery. From there I want my own place.

I have started reading Beautiful Boy, a memoir written by a father who's son was a meth addict. I'm curious what sort of emotions it will evoke in me. Other than being more sociable, and financial goals, I am focusing on being present and feeling good. More later..