After rewatching the beginning of Baraka and recalling the key theme of humans as creatures who are univided from eachother I began to consider how to apply this belief in our society. If each person is connected to everyone around them then how should that impact our actions especially in a society where this belief is so foreign. I always hear people say become the change you envision in the world so I suppose the first step is to acknowledge my own unity with all of the universe and understanding that each person has the capabilities of god within them. I use god as a term for the infinite, not to imply the christian god. Our society is a reflection of protestant beliefs that served us well as settlers in a time when every action had a cost. I think now is a time for greater spontaneity, a time for people to become in touch with all of their desires and to pursue each of them with great passion and cunning.
I am attempting to turn over a new stone and pursue the desires I have with me with consistent effort. I am no longer fixated on progress in one aspect but universal growth. I want to be paid to write, ventually writing novels, to be in excellent shape and eat very healthily, I want to travel, have brilliant, loyal friends, be aware of my connection to everyone I meet, read a book a week, and continue to save money and amass new experiences.
Apr 28, 2007
Ripples in a Pond
Recently, I've been watching Planet Earth and listening to Paul Chek's You are What you Eat program. His program reveals a widespread careless attitude toward pesticide use and its impact on human health. Essentially, the FDA doesn't care what you eat. Pesticides are tested by the same companies which make them and our shitty farming methods destroy the nutrients in the soil which destroys our vegetables, which we then feed to animals, which we then trap in houses and later slaughter and eat. His program runs the gamut and by the end I was ready to quit eating altogether. I would become a breatharian but even the air is too polluted to consume. So between that and the conservation issues facing us I was beginning to feel very overwhelmed.
As far as Jungian typology goes Intuition is likely my second function, and sometimes I get caught up in trying to solve everything all at once. So I was sitting at work trying to figure out a way to make money since I have spent over a thousand dollars of savings in the last 4 months, how to find a job that was something I believed in and was going to save the world, and how to save the world. Of course I quickly became demoralized. I sat thinking how poorly everything has become and how not only are we poisoning the world around us but also ourselves. I do not think it will be easy to change how things are heading, but I realized that being fatalistic about it accomplished nothing.
Awhile back I was in a dark place and in correspondence with my Aunt. She sent me a letter that her friend had given her. It's a short little letter about how your small impact on people ripples out and creates greater and greater change in the world. Even at the job I hate, I have had an impact upon people's beliefs, especially regarding nutrition. One worker, from New Jersey, after talking with me swore he would feed his kids all organic food. He also switched from coffee to green tea and started to take fish oil to supplement his omega-3 intake. He went on to rave about it to his friends and some of them started taking omega-3s as well.
I do have an impact, and as I develop my ability to write I can increase that impact exponentially. Although I have spent money and stayed in physically the same place I am developing skills and knowledge, which I can easily turn into money. A bank balance doesn't tell much of a story, but as my skills progress and situations reveal themselves to me I am confident that I will be able to capitalize. I have overspent, but I have also developed a great deal of self motivation, and self-discipline. I have finished 3 exercise programs and I am mid-way through a 4th. I am now writing and in the process of realizing my potential. After reading more from Steve Pavlina, his essay on The Courage to Live Consciously, I realize that I do not have to immediately abandon my job and become wholly congruent with the new identity I am sculpting. I can gradually develop in new ways and fully change when the opportunity presents itself. That job serves its purpose and is bearable so long as I do not believe it is holding me back. When my skills are developed and the time is right I will leave. The only thing holding myself back is me. I need to constantly challenge myself, I need to read more, write more, exercise more, and express myself honestly more. In the words of Bruce Lee, "To express oneself honestly... that is very hard to do."
As far as Jungian typology goes Intuition is likely my second function, and sometimes I get caught up in trying to solve everything all at once. So I was sitting at work trying to figure out a way to make money since I have spent over a thousand dollars of savings in the last 4 months, how to find a job that was something I believed in and was going to save the world, and how to save the world. Of course I quickly became demoralized. I sat thinking how poorly everything has become and how not only are we poisoning the world around us but also ourselves. I do not think it will be easy to change how things are heading, but I realized that being fatalistic about it accomplished nothing.
Awhile back I was in a dark place and in correspondence with my Aunt. She sent me a letter that her friend had given her. It's a short little letter about how your small impact on people ripples out and creates greater and greater change in the world. Even at the job I hate, I have had an impact upon people's beliefs, especially regarding nutrition. One worker, from New Jersey, after talking with me swore he would feed his kids all organic food. He also switched from coffee to green tea and started to take fish oil to supplement his omega-3 intake. He went on to rave about it to his friends and some of them started taking omega-3s as well.
I do have an impact, and as I develop my ability to write I can increase that impact exponentially. Although I have spent money and stayed in physically the same place I am developing skills and knowledge, which I can easily turn into money. A bank balance doesn't tell much of a story, but as my skills progress and situations reveal themselves to me I am confident that I will be able to capitalize. I have overspent, but I have also developed a great deal of self motivation, and self-discipline. I have finished 3 exercise programs and I am mid-way through a 4th. I am now writing and in the process of realizing my potential. After reading more from Steve Pavlina, his essay on The Courage to Live Consciously, I realize that I do not have to immediately abandon my job and become wholly congruent with the new identity I am sculpting. I can gradually develop in new ways and fully change when the opportunity presents itself. That job serves its purpose and is bearable so long as I do not believe it is holding me back. When my skills are developed and the time is right I will leave. The only thing holding myself back is me. I need to constantly challenge myself, I need to read more, write more, exercise more, and express myself honestly more. In the words of Bruce Lee, "To express oneself honestly... that is very hard to do."
Apr 25, 2007
Planet Earth
Planet Earth is a BBC production that is exquisitely beautiful and tragic. In a series of eleven or so episodes their crew attempts to capture what is majestic about the land we live in but rarely see. Watching these episodes gets me very motivated to amass money and travel before every single one of these amazing habitats is destroyed or altered permanently. Even as a child I was obsessed with endangered animals, I had one of those wildlife notebooks where they send you new cards each month about more animals which will possibly disappear. Come to think of it, it really is a rather morbid fascination for a child to have, but at the time I was really only interested in the animals, the possibility that they would eventually disappear seemed distant and unlikely as most things seemed to me as a child.
Some of the scientists are clearly in love with these animals, as are some of the cameramen. Somehow some of the crew is uncaring or extremely detached when it comes to some of the animals chances of survival. There's a clip during one of the episodes concerning conservation where a man talks about how interesting it will be to see whether the polar bear evolves in the next 50 years in order to adapt to the total disappearance of its habitat, the polar ice cap. Interesting is such a banal word anyways, but the scientist says it with a lot of fascination, and almost pleasure. "Wow, they still survived after we fucked up the whole planet they are now in Canada and eating people. Interesting." There's a total emotional disconnect in some of these people, but I guess that is because of what they are dealing with on an everyday basis. If I told most people ( at least those who haven't seen An Inconvenient Truth) that the polar bear would be extinct in 50 years they would probably be shocked. On the other hand, for these biologists it is rudimentary.
The primal energy that these animals exude is awe-inspiring. It seems almost impossible to look at the world in such a way and not immediately become concerned with our impact upon it. So now I'm sitting here wondering what can anyone do about it? Are thousands of beautiful, amazing creatures going to have the life sucked out of them for rich white men who want to get the last drop out of their oil fields, not to mention poor non-white men attempting to quickly industrialize in order to compete in a global economy and being blamed for desecrating the wilderness simply because the whites already did their part in the destruction about 200 years ago?
Some of the scientists are clearly in love with these animals, as are some of the cameramen. Somehow some of the crew is uncaring or extremely detached when it comes to some of the animals chances of survival. There's a clip during one of the episodes concerning conservation where a man talks about how interesting it will be to see whether the polar bear evolves in the next 50 years in order to adapt to the total disappearance of its habitat, the polar ice cap. Interesting is such a banal word anyways, but the scientist says it with a lot of fascination, and almost pleasure. "Wow, they still survived after we fucked up the whole planet they are now in Canada and eating people. Interesting." There's a total emotional disconnect in some of these people, but I guess that is because of what they are dealing with on an everyday basis. If I told most people ( at least those who haven't seen An Inconvenient Truth) that the polar bear would be extinct in 50 years they would probably be shocked. On the other hand, for these biologists it is rudimentary.
The primal energy that these animals exude is awe-inspiring. It seems almost impossible to look at the world in such a way and not immediately become concerned with our impact upon it. So now I'm sitting here wondering what can anyone do about it? Are thousands of beautiful, amazing creatures going to have the life sucked out of them for rich white men who want to get the last drop out of their oil fields, not to mention poor non-white men attempting to quickly industrialize in order to compete in a global economy and being blamed for desecrating the wilderness simply because the whites already did their part in the destruction about 200 years ago?
Apr 23, 2007
Rolling the Dice
Last Sunday I went to see Henry Rollins, Janeane Garafalo, and Marc Marin at Gramercy Theatre. Marc Marin was hilarious, and Rollins and Garafalo were very passionate politically - something I turned away from after high school. Rollins is an inspiration in more ways than one. He is very present and angry. He is in great shape, and he lives a life which I envy. In one interview: "he recalls something David Lee Roth had said, and he paraphrases, “you sometimes get shit from the guys at the watering hole who say, ‘it must be nice’ referring to your lifestyle. And [Roth] says, hey, we all started off as seniors in high school. You went for your dad’s bank job. I went for art. You took the easy road. I rolled the dice. Don’t be mad at me.”
Do I want a bank job? Sometimes I feel like I am who I am in reaction to the life my father lived. My dad was a musician and rarely held a job or had much discipline. He was extremely talented but squandered his money and talent on drugs. I need to roll the dice. I need to write and travel. I realize how so much of what I do conforms to society's expectations for me.
The beautiful thing about the performers at Gramercy and later at Vassar is that they are all unapologetically authentic. Shingai Shoniwa, the lead singer of the Noisettes, ran from one side of the stage to another, looking very much like the actress she once aspired to be at one moment and the psychedelic rocker she is the next. Jumping from speaker stacks and fluttering her eyes at the crowd a second later. Her hair is pushed forward, and she wears what looks like a torn and tattered ballerina outfit. Her whole look says fuck what you expect. Her theatrical antics complement the shyness of Dan Smith, the guitarist, who stands there shyly contemplating his next guitar solo, while Jamie Morrison's be-afro'd hair thrusts from one side of his drum set to the other, oscillating violently to the beats he pumps out with great precision. The Noisettes were so happy to be opening their last set for TV on the Radio and I wish them great success. Their juxtaposition of smooth relaxing melodies and harsh guitar riffs clearly shows that they will not go gently into the night.
That is what an artist is, someone who lives so vibrantly that they inspire others to do so as well. TV on the Radio had the floor bending and was amazing.
Anyways, from Shingai to Tunde Adebimpe (vocalist for TV on the Radio) everyone on stage served to remind me to stop conforming or even thinking about it, and to start pouring my soul into something I believe in.
Do I want a bank job? Sometimes I feel like I am who I am in reaction to the life my father lived. My dad was a musician and rarely held a job or had much discipline. He was extremely talented but squandered his money and talent on drugs. I need to roll the dice. I need to write and travel. I realize how so much of what I do conforms to society's expectations for me.
The beautiful thing about the performers at Gramercy and later at Vassar is that they are all unapologetically authentic. Shingai Shoniwa, the lead singer of the Noisettes, ran from one side of the stage to another, looking very much like the actress she once aspired to be at one moment and the psychedelic rocker she is the next. Jumping from speaker stacks and fluttering her eyes at the crowd a second later. Her hair is pushed forward, and she wears what looks like a torn and tattered ballerina outfit. Her whole look says fuck what you expect. Her theatrical antics complement the shyness of Dan Smith, the guitarist, who stands there shyly contemplating his next guitar solo, while Jamie Morrison's be-afro'd hair thrusts from one side of his drum set to the other, oscillating violently to the beats he pumps out with great precision. The Noisettes were so happy to be opening their last set for TV on the Radio and I wish them great success. Their juxtaposition of smooth relaxing melodies and harsh guitar riffs clearly shows that they will not go gently into the night.
That is what an artist is, someone who lives so vibrantly that they inspire others to do so as well. TV on the Radio had the floor bending and was amazing.
Anyways, from Shingai to Tunde Adebimpe (vocalist for TV on the Radio) everyone on stage served to remind me to stop conforming or even thinking about it, and to start pouring my soul into something I believe in.
Apr 14, 2007
Life Purpose
This is actually an exercise I did about a month ago, but I thought it would be interesting to post. Steve Pavlina is the same guy who graduated college in minimal time, and he has a 20 minute exercise for identifying your life purpose.
Here it goes:
Here it goes:
Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type (I prefer the latter because it’s faster).
Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”
Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.
What is my true purpose in life?
1. To live a rich life.
2. To write.
3. To experience beauty.
4. To become the man my father was not.
5. To do the best to expand the minds of others.
6. To live a life which inspires those who doubt themselves.
7. To fill the world with endless light.
8. To live without fear, expressing my beliefs and capturing my experiences in such a way that those who have never met me are touched by my life and irrevocably changed by it.
To chase and pursue that which I fear most, deep honest connection, writing, new places, new experiences.
To become rich and help the world.
To save the world.
I have no purpose.
To forget the hurt you have experienced.
To cause pain and calamity.
My true purpose in life is to live as lovingly and caring-ly as possible. To inspire others by my actions and my expressions of my life.
My true purpose is to show how life is meant to be lived. To surround myself with people who I am completely honest with, and to deeply touch and be touched by them.
To be free of all fear, to become like a child again not of mind but in spirit.
To be completely honestly in love with the world around me, and to express that rapture in words.
To tell my story to those who need to hear it. To live a life which is a testament to my ability to withstand and blossom even in the hardest conditions. To help those who have been hurt, to show that life is not about you or this moment but about everyone and eternity.
To relentlessly pursue my definition of a perfect life. Realizing life is imperfect and passing. Experiencing love, hate, every emotion as deeply as I can and creating novels which capture those emotions.
To help those who have gone through what I went through as a child.
To raise children the way I wish I was raised.
To be completely free, an inspiration to those are not, to be genuine at all times and create heartbreaking honest books. To tell my story.
To live my purpose.
To live without limitations, exploring as I wish. To touch the lives of everyone I meet deeply. To live with kindness and cruelty.
To live without limitations, doing as I wish all from a place of purity. To have my love wrapped in everything that I do. To honestly speak about what happened to me, to realize it has made me who I am.
To help Ayman and Aliya.
To write like Hubert Selby, fuck like Henry Miller, and party like Basquiat.
To stop evading myself.
To work as hard as I can to make everyone around me better, including myself.
To see the infinite beauty around me and not get caught up with trivial bullshit.
To always see how wonderful life is, without resenting those who do not.
Forgive people their imperfections.
Stop trying to be perfect, let the chips fall where they may, stop plagiarizing.
Be courageous. Do what no one believes is possible; live a rich, perfect life. Live my life as a work of art, creating art, loving art, inspiring those who don't – leaving those who don't get it to be. Being free and loving those who hate me.
To love without fear.
Apr 12, 2007
Big Egos
Tyler over at RSD has a post that is mind blowing. It's all about egos. He breaks down how your ego is the story you tell yourself about who you are. In my case I'm artistic, laid-back, cool, confident, fun, intelligent - and the list goes on. He asks what your story has prevented you from doing. Without finishing my list and looking like a total ego-maniac I can tell you it has held me back in many ways.
The belief that I (or my imaginary construct of myself) is successful has prevented me from trying new things, and challenging myself in a variety of situations. Not dancing, not cutting loose, not being goofy sometimes.
Tyler points out that people are naturally confident and content, and do not need rationalizations, it is our default state when we stop thinking and worrying about nonsense. People get all pissed off because someone is riding their ass while they're driving, and they think why are they doing this to me? Well, they aren't doing it to anyone. They simply are driving very close to you and it has nothing to do with you as a person.
The belief that I (or my imaginary construct of myself) is successful has prevented me from trying new things, and challenging myself in a variety of situations. Not dancing, not cutting loose, not being goofy sometimes.
Tyler points out that people are naturally confident and content, and do not need rationalizations, it is our default state when we stop thinking and worrying about nonsense. People get all pissed off because someone is riding their ass while they're driving, and they think why are they doing this to me? Well, they aren't doing it to anyone. They simply are driving very close to you and it has nothing to do with you as a person.
Apr 11, 2007
Self-Acceptance and Recalibration
You've got to acknowledge and accept where you are before you can get where you are going. Lately, I've been telling myself that I have to get a career, and get a job, and make money, and so on. But really why do I have to do any of those things? I originally planned to write and travel. Nothing more, nothing less. Somewhere along the way I began to think that I was making a mistake and panicked. I am not saying I will not be pursuing copywriting but I want to do so for the right reasons.
I find that with myself I plan something and then constantly readjust. I wonder whether I am making progress at all, since I could easily be switching between two poles and never really making any headway just changing my approach over and over again.
I want to get to a point where I fully accept myself. Some days I am there, others I am not. I accept that I have not yet pursued writing seriously. I am hoping that this is something akin to a species of bamboo, which grows a complicated root structure for years without growing above the surface and then suddenly, springs up - so quickly that it can be seen growing by the naked eye.
I look around myself and I wonder whether people understand that they are wrapped up in this world of ideas that attempts to sway them this way and that, or whether they even care.
I find that with myself I plan something and then constantly readjust. I wonder whether I am making progress at all, since I could easily be switching between two poles and never really making any headway just changing my approach over and over again.
I want to get to a point where I fully accept myself. Some days I am there, others I am not. I accept that I have not yet pursued writing seriously. I am hoping that this is something akin to a species of bamboo, which grows a complicated root structure for years without growing above the surface and then suddenly, springs up - so quickly that it can be seen growing by the naked eye.
I look around myself and I wonder whether people understand that they are wrapped up in this world of ideas that attempts to sway them this way and that, or whether they even care.
Apr 10, 2007
Is Immortality a goal worth achieving?
I'm reading Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins and it focuses upon two people who defy death and live hundreds of years. This sounds a lot like a stoned pseudo-philosophical question you would have at 2 am but, for whatever reason I have had those conversations and I believe life without death is pointless, or worse, very painful and self-satisfying. People often argue that then you could read every book you wanted or some such nonsense. There's also the dull argument that you would have to watch people you care about die.
Really, I think it is only the young who think about living eternally. Before you make a decision the options are overwhelming, but as experience accumulates the direction you which to head in becomes clearer. I hear older people saying they wished they had lived as they wanted to, and savored every day - but never do I hear anyone say that they do not wish to ever die.
The quest for immortality is perennial, but I wonder how often the consume everything argument is used in our consumption driven society. Advertising has made tons of money off of exploiting the fear people have of missing out on something, and naively many people seem to think that by dying they would be guaranteed to miss out on future products, while casually overlooking the fact that they would be passing up a "lifechanging" experience for more of the same filler.
Really, I think it is only the young who think about living eternally. Before you make a decision the options are overwhelming, but as experience accumulates the direction you which to head in becomes clearer. I hear older people saying they wished they had lived as they wanted to, and savored every day - but never do I hear anyone say that they do not wish to ever die.
The quest for immortality is perennial, but I wonder how often the consume everything argument is used in our consumption driven society. Advertising has made tons of money off of exploiting the fear people have of missing out on something, and naively many people seem to think that by dying they would be guaranteed to miss out on future products, while casually overlooking the fact that they would be passing up a "lifechanging" experience for more of the same filler.
Apr 9, 2007
My progress
So far my workout program has definitely improved my strength and overall look, but I am no where near where I want to be physically. I am skinny, but I am not as defined as I used to be. I weigh 160-165 at 6'. My main problem is that my goals oscillate. I tell myself that getting to 175-180 is too much work for someone with my metabolism and that I will not be successful, or that it is unhealthy. Then I look at someone like Allen Iverson and think it would be fine if I kept improving my conditioning and maintained the same weight, which is what I have done since November. I have not maxed out on any exercises but my weights keep going up, I eat a diet consisting of mostly vegetables and fruits, with meat or shakes for protein, and oatmeal with blueberries and bananas in the morning.
My friend recently sent me an article about how cardio work is good for the brain, and I truly believe that most people are unfit because of their sedentary lifestyles. Man evolved in the wild and our bodies are used to taking action throughout the day. I had not been doing cardio at all until last week and I want to shoot for 2-3 sessions a week, of HIIT, or High Intensity Interval Training. Between that and eating a bit more hopefully by the time May rolls around I can be closer to where I wish to be. And where is that? I want to maintain this bodyweight and lose fat while increasing muscle. Everyone says this is the most difficult goal, but so far I have done just that, but without gaining any weight. Last summer I was up to 170-173 before I left for Europe but I was getting heavier and did not like it. I would like to gain 1 lb of muscle each month or 2, but how I can do that is another thing.
I am currently using Chad Waterbury's book Muscle Revolution for my plans. Right now I am starting Hybrid Hypertrophy, which looks to be the most difficult program yet. My digital camera is on the fritz but I will post pictures soon so I can monitor my progress.
My friend recently sent me an article about how cardio work is good for the brain, and I truly believe that most people are unfit because of their sedentary lifestyles. Man evolved in the wild and our bodies are used to taking action throughout the day. I had not been doing cardio at all until last week and I want to shoot for 2-3 sessions a week, of HIIT, or High Intensity Interval Training. Between that and eating a bit more hopefully by the time May rolls around I can be closer to where I wish to be. And where is that? I want to maintain this bodyweight and lose fat while increasing muscle. Everyone says this is the most difficult goal, but so far I have done just that, but without gaining any weight. Last summer I was up to 170-173 before I left for Europe but I was getting heavier and did not like it. I would like to gain 1 lb of muscle each month or 2, but how I can do that is another thing.
I am currently using Chad Waterbury's book Muscle Revolution for my plans. Right now I am starting Hybrid Hypertrophy, which looks to be the most difficult program yet. My digital camera is on the fritz but I will post pictures soon so I can monitor my progress.
Apr 8, 2007
Museum of Natural History Planetarium
So.. I've already missed a day, hopefully I can double up today and feel as though I didn't really slack off. Yesterday, we went to the Museum of Natural History which I hadn't been to since I was a child. The planetarium has a presentation on collisions, thoughtfully narrated by Robert Redford. Apparently, there is a theory where the moon was created by an asteroid striking Earth and sending matter into space, which was mostly held onto by our gravitational pull. As the matter collided in orbit, it accumulated and eventually formed a moon. This whole collision is largely responsible for Earth's ability to sustain life, creating our seasons by tipping the Earth's axis and creating tides via the Moon's gravitational pull. The most phenomenal thing is that the moon was created in 30 days. This not only blows my mind, but it makes my development in some areas seem appalling. It is tremendously motivational because if a moon can be created in a mere month, then I ought to be able to accomplish quite a bit each month rather than procrastinating as I have.
We will see if the realization holds.
We will see if the realization holds.
Apr 6, 2007
Goals of this blog and this year
This blog is meant to keep me writing daily.
I will write about films, books, ideas, weight-lifting, and learning copywriting.
I am 23 years old, and I live an hour and a half from NYC. I just graduated college with a degree in art history, and my goals are to:
1: Become a successful copywriter, and be hired at an advertising agency in the city.
2: Gain 20lbs of muscle.
3: Write every day, and eventually write short stories / novels.
4: Enjoy life fully, pursue studying Shivaic Tantricism.
5: Overall serve as an example of how to live life for others, not advising people but inspiring change within them.
I will write about films, books, ideas, weight-lifting, and learning copywriting.
I am 23 years old, and I live an hour and a half from NYC. I just graduated college with a degree in art history, and my goals are to:
1: Become a successful copywriter, and be hired at an advertising agency in the city.
2: Gain 20lbs of muscle.
3: Write every day, and eventually write short stories / novels.
4: Enjoy life fully, pursue studying Shivaic Tantricism.
5: Overall serve as an example of how to live life for others, not advising people but inspiring change within them.
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